So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
