yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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