She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
