it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
