I wanna bring you to show and tell
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Found your dick twin last night
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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