all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
