Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
