he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
