I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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