i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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