I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize