4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
