I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
