Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
he's gonorrhea incarnate
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
