i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
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there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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