just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
