By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
