You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
