Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, beer. Big fan.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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