My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
