3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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