What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize