Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
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