they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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