just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
