I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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