shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
