you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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