Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I still have a little drunk in my system
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
