Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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