If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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