I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
