she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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