Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
being pregnant is like rehab
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
