Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize