the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
