Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
