First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
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you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
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all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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