How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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