And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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