and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
