You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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