I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Welp...herpes.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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