i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Dear god my vagina.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
