I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
