im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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