I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
