My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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