What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
