you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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