If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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