theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
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