A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
