Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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