just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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