he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
