I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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