Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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