In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
the day after is always just damage control
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
