He disabled his match.com account in front of me
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
